Within I am Home
3 February 2016
I killed it
The doubt that ate me
Swallowed hard
In pain’s pangs
I breathed out pieces
Of what we had been
Summer’s taunt
A blue lake’s sadness
Flight no more
An option
We cast memories like faint rocks
They sink into Time
You spoke not
Our mouths were sewn tight
With regret
In corners
Where dark spent itself ageless
When the years forged light
Forgery
Copy of feeling
The kneeling
Unheard knight
Communication’s lost road
Works to his delight
Lost glory
Unspoken wisdom
It sings harsh
Like a clang
When pianos once smooth then rang
Strident melodies
Forgotten
Your traits wrinkled cringe
Like corpses
Found bloated
In waters that have lost strength
Of their deep sources
I squared roots
Hit on triangles
They chimed shrill
Like pain’s wave
I found my death in a cave
Where hunters wrote life
He points shoots
The gun in my hand
Mere witness
Blue porter
I usher the tools of death
Slayer’s assistant
Mouth flippant
Heart in between lips
I spit out
The venom
Deep it runs so low it hums
Slight it overtakes
I am gone
There is a place lost
In my mind
Where I roam
Alone and blissful at peace
Within I am Home
Reading of my poem:
This poem was inspired by a small exchange about abuse and how difficult it was to understand the victim’s stance. I therefore thought I should shed some light albeit in a poetic way from my own experience of how it happens and why one accepts it for so long. I guess it is simply the safe havens that we create which allow the experience to last, some sort of dissociation from what is happening in reality. I was not sure I should add this comment but I realised that the perspective of the subject of abuse seems really hard to grasp and readers don’t seem to have understood what this poem was about mainly. Perhaps my writing is too cryptic sometimes.
Just to reassure you, I am no longer in that kind of situation anymore and usually now smell abusers from a distance. In the self-preservation mode now, I have also severed relationships which might have been good but my principle has always been if he cannot control anger, bitterness or cannot handle stress, that is -even though slight and even though it may absolutely not be directed towards me – an indication that he has the potential of an abuser and I shy away even from that potential these days. Peace, kindness, compassion, humour and love are the only baggage I am willing to accept in any relationship and those who have not worked on themselves enough to have developed these traits are a total no-go for me, except in the cases of a friend in need of course.
Midge Ure – Fragile
Breathe me – Sia
Midge Ure – Breathe
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