The light spilling fast 24 March 2021
Cavernous shadows sight my eyes I follow dark inside A dialog between us overcomes cobwebs Thought expressed ringing through my head the message sits clumsy an attempt to understand meanings of half light Piercing ray resounding echo burning through retina the stratosphere now reckons the light spilling fast Reading of the poem:
Stive Morgan - Melancholy
I yearn for your untouched skin
29 July 2020
I want to seep into your bones
like the chill of a winter night
I yearn for your untouched skin
its shadows now forever closed to me
like a book of secret pleasures
stowed away in a convent of nuns
With the yearning of a lifetime
I haul myself through summer
burdened by the winter’s pull
It hangs like dead leaves
fallen from a tree
where spring had once made its way
The fruit now lays barren untouched
like the skin of dead virgins
stopped in their tracks by an unknown war
their unseeing eyes swallowed
by the onslaught of darkness
I yearn for your untouched skin
Its light now a pale moon
rising in the midst of the hollow night
where only the waterhen cry
in a place I now call home
where the seagulls laugh no more
Reading of the poem:
Flam Monsoon Buddha Bar
Invoking the Mother
26 July 2020
She had seen it in a dream as vividly as she was now seeing the sun shining outside. It was time for the Mother to come fully into this Earth and accomplish her work from the inside. It was time for her to purge the Earth so that balance may be restored on a higher plane than what could be achieved in the present state of affairs. Mother had always been a patron of the innocent and the weak and although she presented a terrifying face to her adversaries, she reverted back to her more gentle nature when the battle was over and she was faced only with the innocent. She was a force of destruction as far as evil was concerned but maintained her motherly attributes as far as the innocent were concerned and so far too many innocent had been suffering.
The Mother needed a vessel to carry her consciousness and she had carefully prepared for this for several years now. The vessel needed to have a segmented mind where part of the consciousness of the Mother could be downloaded while the rest of the mind could house the consciousness of the vessel itself. She was willing to be that vessel and had meditated using the kundalini technique in order to split her own mind. Although this had been painful and not without its consequences, she reflected that it would all be worth it once the Mother was there. The Mother’s consciousness, even though in part, could only be stored in nine fragmented parts of the vessel’s mind with the vessel’s own mind dwelling in the tenth part, which is why it had taken her years to reach that level of fragmentation and dissociation without totally losing her sanity.
The tools used for the ceremony to invoke the Mother to complete the downloading of her consciousness into her were not unlike those used to invoke the Marid except that there was no need for a protective circle and the candles used were red and black. The red represented the blood or primordial life form and the black represented the void from which all consciousness derived. There was already a fragment of the Mother inside a part of her consciousness and this guided her in disposing the red and black candles around the circles of aging blood also known as menstrual blood and those of fresh blood from her pricked finger. She sat naked amid the circles with the trident marked in blood on her forehead and the same marked in blood around the area of her navel and started the chanting. Soon the Mother would appear and all the evil on the Earth would slowly start to disintegrate. It might take its time and would probably take its toll on her but at the end it would all be worth it.
Most powerful Shri Kali Sahasranama Stotram | 1008 names of Kali Maa | श्री काली सहस्त्रनाम स्तोत्रम
Bitcoins to go
22 July 2020
There was no explanation for what had just happened. He seemed to think that everything was her fault and she thought that he did not seem to have outgrown the childish level where everything was always the fault of someone else than himself. She decided that this time she had had it with the accusations and all the heartache that he had been giving her over the past few weeks. It had first started when something went awry in the business and he had resorted to her for help but she could not and he had then blamed her for being so incapable of helping him while he was in dire need. It was not that she had not tried and try she had repeatedly with shady figures that she would have normally never dealt with, but it was simply that the outcome had been negative. He had of course only looked at the negative outcome and ignored all her efforts to reach that result.
Every time the accusation had been either that she did not love him enough to try harder or that she did not trust him enough despite all the love he had showered on her. When she thought back to it, however, she realized that it all seemed like a puzzle painstakingly pieced together to create the illusion of reality with ready-made items of the puzzle springing from his past. The more she thought about it the more she realized that it had never quite felt like real love although the declaration of it had been overly intense. At first she had been puzzled and her natural instinct had been wariness, especially with what her sister had to say about it, but in time the sheer quantity of love messages had gotten to her and as she had a soft heart, she had let herself be persuaded that it was indeed an intense budding love.
The last time he had resorted to her for help it was for something that could have put her livelihood at risk but at first she had jumped up to help without paying attention to the request despite all the news she had heard and her work training. A few minutes later though, the doubt on whether what he was asking of her was legit started gnawing at her mind which had buzzed alit from the previous training. When she went to the bank, sure enough, they confirmed to her that what was proposed was illegal and that she could get into big trouble for it. As a result of her discussion with the bank, they had closed her account and she was left without a bank account and without time to open a new one in time for her salary to be paid to her.
With hindsight she realized that this was the least of her worries as she could have gotten into much worse trouble had she not reached out to her bank. Indeed, she would have been suspected by their compliance of being a money mule and potentially charged with money laundering. What had she been thinking when she had given him her bank details, especially after he had asked her to transform the money received from his contact into bitcoins and send it across to his bitcoin account! There was no justification for her foolishness and to add insult to injury, he was now angry with her that she had gone to the bank to check in the first place whether such a thing could be done. Their last exchanges were cold and bitter and she thought to herself that the next time she would be wary of anyone who professed so quickly to be intensely in love. You live and learn she thought. What an experience!
Dalida & Alain Delon – Paroles, paroles (1973)
The taste of ripe mangoes
4 July 2020
It used to be one of her favourite moments in childhood. They would sneak out of the house and run across the fields to the point where the mango groves began. They would hide at the extremity of the fields waiting to see if the guardian was there and if he wasn’t they would step into the grove and steal some ripe mangoes. It was usually a boy they called Thengai who used to climb the trees as he was used to climbing coconut trees and had a good foothold. His name Thengai which meant coconut came from not only because he climbed coconut trees but also because his hair combed down in a shell shape manner made the top of his head resemble a broken coconut shell.
Thengai would climb like a daredevil any tree in the mangrove and if the guardian was spotted he would be able to clamber down in no time often surpassing them as he ran towards the fields. Little did they know that the guardian always made a show of chasing them but slowed down if he got too close because he never actually meant to catch them. There would be no use indeed of catching them as the mangrove belonged to their family although they did not know it. In fact, almost all the lands around the houses up to the neighbouring city belonged to her family. Unaware of this, the children including her used to run like their life depended upon it, holding on tightly to the mangoes packed in their shirts or dresses, when the guardian chased them.
Later on, they would stop in the fields and put the mangoes together. They would then divide the ripest mangoes amongst them for eating on the spot and leave the greener ones for later. It was usually she who got the greener ones as her grandmother was very skilled at making mango chutney with the green mangoes. Once the bottles of chutney were ready, her grandmother would give her a basket of these to distribute around the neighbourhood. The neighbours respected and loved her grandmother not only because of this type of small kindness but also because she gave the lands to plough to the neighbours and only asked for a small share of the crops as compensation. People considered the grandmother as the main village benefactor.
She used to love going to the village and spending a part of the summer there during the summer break when her father did not yet have his holidays. It was all wonderful until that fated summer when everything had changed. She had not witnessed it herself but she often had nightmares about it and would wake up in the night trembling. For a long time after the incident, nobody had gone to steal mangoes from the mangrove. The villagers would talk about it in hushed tones when they thought the children were not around. Thengai had been riding the tractor of his father next to his older brother when he had slipped, and the tractor had mauled him before his brother could stop the giant wheels.
Some children had started going back to steal mangoes the next summer and one of the children had volunteered to take Thengai’s place as the picker. When they passed by her grandmother’s house she kept the door tightly shut and did not respond to their stage whispers calling her out. She could not bring herself to accompany them like she could not bring herself to eat ripe mangoes anymore. It was as if the mangoes’ ripe insides were like Thengai’s and for a long time the idea of eating them seemed repulsing. She also could not bring herself to distribute the mango chutney among the neighbours anymore and had grown sullener by the day. At the end of that following summer, her father decided to make her spend less time at her grandmother’s house.
Long after she had grown older and found out that the mangrove was theirs, she still would not accompany the children to the mangrove during the short breaks she was at her grandmother’s. She had started eating her grandmother’s chutney again, but nobody had offered her anymore ripe mangoes given her clear revulsion to these. One day, as she was walking through the fields, she found herself in front of the mangrove. The guardian was there and he seemed now a wizened old man. He looked at her and made as if he were going to chase her, but she laughed so he laughed too. He went towards a mango tree and reaching out pulled a ripe mango off the tree which he then offered her, slicing it in the middle. His face was wise and kind and she wondered how they could have ever felt afraid of him. She took the mango almost in a second state and bit into it. The taste of the ripe mango was heavenly as it mingled with her salty tears. She smiled up at the old guardian.
Kahlil Gibran – On death
A silverlining
17 June 2020
The garden stretched forth
Leaves scattering in its midst
Grass strewed evergreen
Windmills of my mind stirred slow
Recognition of the light
Paper planes flew low
Their noses scraping the dust
The rubble moved slight
The mind composed bleak answers
Call of the heart rising through
Clouds pearled lily white
Amidst announcement of storm
A silverlining
The heart contrasted with mind
Choices like ribbons flew south
Reading of the poem:
The Awakening Of A Woman (Burnout) -The Cinematic Orchestra
Bark oozing shed tears
27 May 2020
Grasshoppers’ clamour
Enchanting tunes in the wind
Green grass their stronghold
I knelt to the grass level
Mind connected with the Earth
Fallen leaves crunching
Pathways strewn bloody green trace
End of the leaves’ life
Thoughts roaming to other ends
Life and death in pendulum
Trees whisper in wind
Language of mother to child
Bark oozing shed tears
Motherless, childless I roamed
My balance above all odds
Reading of the poem:
Michael Jackson – Earth Song (Official Video)
Under your bright sun
21 May 2020
Daffodils
Spilling in the rain
The garden
Now awash
Flowers and fruit all laden
A feast for your eyes
Your features
Bright and definite
Like the love
Infinite
Gushing through the sentences
Composed by the heart
My shadow
Under your bright sun
Towards which
I now run
Happiness is not mere word
Expression unheard
Reading of the poem:
Half the Perfect World – Madeleine Peyroux
Clamour quieted
1 May 2020
Sleepy sun
Wakes me in mornings
When I soak
Till my brim
Chances offered to me slim
Of the tanned comebacks
I hear you
In every footstep
That resounds
In the street
I wait for the day we’ll meet
In between moments
I relax
Clamour quieted
Your skin shades
Of everglades
The shadow of you now fades
As we rise to feat
Reading of the poem:
Morning Sun – Melody Gardot
Rendering delight
April 29, 2020
Translation
Of movement in you
Lost in space
I retrace
Your body’s forgotten hue
The ink and the blue
When sun sets
I remember you
The sweet touch
Of your face
From a spent reality
In an unseen place
In eclipse
I reinvent you
Through the sight
In the night
When your features blurred in light
Rendering delight
Reading of the poem:
I’ll be seeing you – Billie Holiday