The Spirit Lovers
Chapter Four: Heartpath or the Way of Love, Time and the teachings of the Essence
20-29 October 2015
You and I flow instantly back to Rita and Martin and are surprised to see Rita alone wailing with only a pile of Harold’s clothes on the bed next to her.
“What happened?” I ask, still cloaked in my essence, astonished though I have seen many times before a wavering in their essences and instantly picking up on your response, I understand what happened. This is the first time though that it has happened while their physical bodies were in presence. I scrutinize the surroundings and sees remnants of Martin’s essence locked within the glow of the neutrinos looking down at Rita sadly.
You decide to go speak to Martin’s physical being and your essence vapourises leaving me with an inkling of the feeling of incompleteness and I marvel at how these entities before us can handle this feeling as it must be an overpowering sensation of separation for them when they are not together.
“Rita, don’t cry, let me explain to you better what happened. You might remember the time I talked to you in your head about energy distortions, choices and the flow of Time” I say softly, holding her by the shoulders as her whole body shakes with the uncontrollable sobs. I radiate some of my essence into her so her sobs slowly subside and I hope that her agony has not split and killed other parts of the essence elsewhere which were not ready for such agony.
It is so painful, Kayla, you cannot imagine, Rita tells me her eyes glazed and dull with the pain. I cannot understand this horrible pain I feel and most of all I cannot understand how Martin disappeared. We were making love and all of a sudden he started to shiver and then seemed to burst from the inside before he turned ghostlike and vanished into the cupboard. I took out all of Harold’s clothes and looked through them as I could smell him in them but he was in none of them, she adds her head indicating the pile of clothes next to her naked body.
“Let me explain again how the flow works, especially with changing choices” I say again gently to her as I take her by the shoulders and turn her face towards me. Her agony is returning so I warp into her fully and shudder as I am pierced by the might of it and wonder how these beings are capable of so much love and happiness and still able to retain so much fear and hurt. While I radiate in her, I feel the peace returning to her frame and slowly her body temperature starts going back to normal. As the fever subsides, I warp out of her and materialise out of my essence so that she may see me fully.
Rita gasps as she sees me crying out: You look so beautiful Kayla but you look different from the time before when Martin and I saw you.
“Yes” I say “I change forms depending on the mood you put me in”. “Coming back to the matter of how the flow works, you see, somewhere in your past or in the past of another of your manifestations that interacts very closely with you, it would seem like you have changed the choice of being with your twinflame. If you have changed that choice in the past then Martin can no longer be with you here in this now because he does not exist anymore here though a part of his essence would still linger confused until it reintegrates his physical being again elsewhere where he has been projected. Kalen has gone to handle the confusion of that Martin who probably is as confused as you if he even remembers you fully and what happened between you. I cannot even begin to explain the confusion and pain that you both must be feeling back up the River of Time.” I add softly, looking into her eyes and trying to make sure she is understanding what I am saying.
Rita merely looks at me blankly. I don’t understand she says. You did explain to me that Time flows both frontwards and backwards and you did explain about choices and how they moved us into alternate realities but you did not tell me that it could completely swap our existences to different possibilities even after we had made those choices. I chose Martin and sacrificed myself for months on end and I even opened the Heartpath on more than one occasion, just like you had taught me to. I resisted all the pain, all the small deaths both of mine and his darknesses during the opening of the core of the Heartpath and continued to hold on to him. I did all of that and lived through hell and beyond to be able to come to this place. I never understood completely the clues you had strewn on my path but followed them all faithfully and even when he would not see I still persevered, only closing the core when it became too unbearable for me. How can you tell me that I have changed that choice in the past? Did you not see me here with Martin just a couple of days ago and even just yesterday? I have not changed my choice, I cannot have, I am here, I was here with him, we both came together just as it was supposed to be and we made love… her voice breaks and trails off as her sobs start again and I radiate again into her. I cannot help feeling sorry for her even though I know that she has to face the consequences of her own choice.
“Rita” I whisper softly when she has regained a bit of her peace. “You have to understand that it must be you who have made such a choice because you will not be able to look past the choices that you don’t understand. Only you can help yourself now if you wish to. Kalen will investigate with Martin too if he has changed his choice in the past but if not, then you will have to understand what you did and if you choose to now, you can undo it and flow back into another now.”
Rita still shivering slightly and shaking her head answers: I did not change my choice Kayla. I know I cannot have done that.
“Well then let us travel back and see which occurrence has a ripple in the river of Time” I tell her trying to be patient although both you and I know very well by now that they both have changed their choices in their past. He because he was looking only with the mind and she because she had retained fears from remnants of her ego and then chosen to let him go. What I still can’t understand though is how she has still been able to keep her physical presence in the same place and retained full memories of their physical contact in that alternate now. I quickly check with you and you confirm that he has retained close to no memories of her, except some fleeting thoughts and an overpowering sensation of a love he has felt. You tell me that he is still connecting it to that lost love he had chosen in the past and thinks that it is her he has lost again. I try to break the news to her gently as I ponder on whether to really allow her to travel with me in the flow of time as she is already a nervous wreck and will not be able to handle the surge of emotions from the torn selves we will encounter in the Passage of Time. “Rita” I whisper softly “Kalen and I have found out that both of you have chosen to separate”.
Her body jolts upright and I see the essence of her wavering high above her as she is overtaken by the giddiness of being unaligned with her essence again. You must be joking, she almost screams at me. I have not changed anything and I cannot be here if I had changed anything. You told me that once we changed our choices, we never went back to the same flow of Time because nothing remained the same anymore. Yet I am still here and I remember fully our exchanges in our bodily frames. You are lying, you are both just sadists, she hurls at me viciously, her tears spilling all over the floor blood red and with remnants of essence writhing in them. I warp into her again and force her down on the bed holding her bodily frame, rocking her with my essence so that she regains some peace again. I look at you as you flow back to my side and exchange with you silent.
“I don’t understand how she is still here” I tell you softly still caressing her hair as she continues to shiver partially consoled. “What did you find with him” I ask you in your essence and you tell me how you found him in his bed a bit bewildered and dazed but apparently oblivious of the fact that a few instants before he had been making love to her and even less aware of the fact that he had actually encountered the woman of his dreams in the House of Love. You tell me that you were able to find out from him how he was still regretting a woman he had loved a few months ago and could not understand how he was separated from her while he had just had such vivid dreams of her. I wonder whether I should tell her this as we know the ripple effect this creates. We ourselves had some difficulty understanding from Source how this worked as when we tell her, we know she will then make that choice which will bring her back to this alternate now.
“It must be done” you tell me within my essence and I nod, my essence quivering with the advance knowledge of the additional pain I am about to cause.
“Rita” I begin softly. “Martin does not remember you anymore. He has again started confusing you with the other woman. You remember how I told you that when you open the Heartpath core channel, you will pour out your love directly and intensely and receive directly and intensely all that your twinflame may put your way”.
Rita stares at me with a sudden light clearing up the dull film over her eyes. Yes, she say, I remember what you told me about that in my head. You said that I had to understand well the sacrifice I was about to make and be willing to be eventually killed several times over depending on what would come my way. I was willing and whatever Martin hurled my way I took it all and just put it all back into my creation just like you said I should do. I used all the parts of the clues that you handed me and even started adding images and music to my poetry as you had mentioned how additional parts of creation would help the essence recognise and it did recognise me. How was I to know that he was so remotely connected to his essence that he would never understand its whispers? I called upon you several times when the pain was too much to handle; we both did in our own ways, not understanding what was happening to us. I did not know your name then and just called you Mother as I called Kalen Father back then. She almost smiles but the downward trend of her mouth makes it look like a rictus.
“Well my darling girl” I say, putting my hands on her shoulders again “Martin still is in that same state of mind. I told you, You can only see with Heart and you were connected enough with your essence to see with the Heart. You had got rid of enough darkness to be in the light of your essence and feel it flow through you directly almost unencumbered but he had not. He always chose to see only with the mind and all that he saw only increased his darkness and anguish. I already warned you once against the sacrifice as I told you he is not ready yet, too full of unpolished lust and egoist instincts from his bodily frame. I told you to wait until he was ready to sublime that lust into the primal energy force of Love it was destined to become but you would not Listen to the rain of pain knowledge I showered upon you then. You thought your love was strong enough to withstand the pain and that you would be able to make him see. Unfortunately your first etheric contact with him happened at the same time that he was starting an affair with another lady and he has latched onto her all the feelings of love and peace that you projected towards him through the core of the Heartpath. You did help him as he slowly moved from that egotistical being he had been and he sometimes even saw you fleetingly and exchanged with you in dreams, felt your love and your exchanged contact even using the words of that implicitly known synchronicity but he never really connected properly to his etheric being. He never took that leap of faith that you awaited eagerly, yearning for his heart to actually see beyond the illusion.” I break off as I sense the feeling of shock going through her and creating the ripple.
It is all lost then, she says as she slowly starts fading before you grab her, warping into her essence and jolting her up again fully bright and sparkling in essence. Martin, she screams with delight.
“No, I am Kalen” you say, slowly disengaging from her essence. “I just needed you to stay as we wanted to understand better by interacting with your essence how come you stayed behind while he projected himself into his alternate now almost seamlessly. We cannot understand yet how come this has not happened with you and you are still here fully aware of everything that unfolded in Time.”
As soon as he says that we both feel her, the true revered Mother of all of us, as she appears fiercely beautiful and unbearably full of light, even for us.
Rita has closed her eyes and is swaying saying Mother, you have come back to me. You are here again and you are not Kayla. Who are you that have walked softly picking me up each time I have fallen all these years. I know you, you were there from the beginning. I remember you drawing me out lovingly and twisting softly my head as my bodily Mother pushed me out of her forcing me out of memories of the blue swirling void and through the black warmth into the cold light outside. I remember your beautiful blue face as I cried from the harshness of the light and the cold that invaded my essence as you smiled and told me “Welcome my child. Be blessed as I have come to assist your birth and through it my own birth into this world. See and feel for me as I have forgotten to feel for this world when they slowly covered my eyes and He as I went back to sleep from this Time”.
I remember seeing him, Father, as blue as you are, looking at me as my essence danced into this world, her steps replicating his own as he faded into the fog blessing me as he left. He had whispered then that he would come for me when my call was at its shrillest though I had never seen him since then. I only saw one of his messengers, a blue one like him who taught me about Love when I was five years old and sitting alone in my room, Rita adds in a dreamlike voice, her eyes still closed, her body swaying.
We both look at each other and at revered Mother who smiles back at us sweetly though her eyes stay all at once fierce and tender, still focused on Rita who is swaying. “I am Kali” she says to Rita who immediately stops swaying and looks at her through her essence which slowly cuddles into the palm of Mother’s hand while Rita falls back on the bed inert. A second blue form emerges from the fog surrounding Mother and we both recognise our archetype Source Father Shiva as he smiles at us his hair swirling around him like snakes ready to strike. Father slowly picks up Rita’s essence from Mother’s hand and flows it back into her and she wakes up in a jolt before recognising him and saying in a dreamlike way again “Father, you have come for me like you said you would. I remember how you did not move though back in Time, only looking away unmoved while Mother tended to the wounds”
“I had to, my child” Father says in his thousand voices and as Rita’s bodily frame shakes and almost splits he reduces its numbers so that she may bear its effects. “You have to face the consequences of your choices alone and understand them before we can help you with them. I knew anyway that Mother would tend to the wounds as I am stillness without her intent”.
I had not chosen yet though Father, Rita speaks her voice a pitch higher and her eyes now half-open, gazing downward as the light is too intense for her to bear. I was merely pondering what to choose as he was still misguided by the mind and the ego.
“No my child. You had already chosen and simply had to understand your choice to see it properly. Your choice was born out of the fear and not out of the Love unlike what Mother had advised you when you were being flown into your bodily mother’s womb and the mass of matter that she was transforming into what became you” Father says in thunders while Rita still shakes from it. “We had also sent one of our brothers to inform you about love and you welcomed him, worshipped him even but did not truly understand what he told you. Love is only Love, it can be nothing else than that. It cannot be hurt, ego, darkness or even light. It just is and manifests itself in everything that surrounds you as we have woven it into the very fabric of this world, every Time and every matter as well as the space between that matter’s particles of light. You cannot not see it except if you are not seeing with the Heart and …”
I have, for once, forsaken my heart, Rita adds softly interrupting Father who smiles knowingly.
“Yes” he answers smiling at her face that is burning light with this new knowledge. “You have chosen to see with the mind, with the fear of the remnants of your ego and you have chosen to let go of your love, the strongest connecting point to your twinflame and that choice has split all the alternate realities of it”
“Why is she here still then?” we both ask and immediately understand from Father’s essence as it ebbs and flows through us partially.
“She sees both with Heart and Mind” I say turning towards Rita again and attempting to explain it to her “You chose with the mind but your heart refused to endorse that choice so your Heart brought you all the way here through the River of Time fully conscious of yourself but not fully conscious of your choice as you could not see past that choice you refused to understand”
Rita opens partially her eyes and instantly regrets it as she almost turns blind in her bodily frame while mother showers portions of her essence on her eyes so that she may not remain blind in the physical. Rita lowers her gaze again almost closing her eyes and realises that her eyesight will never be the same again. I know how I made that choice, she says quietly, her eyes downcast. I thought that as he had made a choice, even though it was with his mind and it was misguided, I had to respect that choice and therefore preserve myself. I was not looking with the eyes of the Heart and I chose to ignore then that I could still choose to stay connected and watch over him while continuing my life in the alternate reality. I think I allowed my ego and fear to speak within me and overtake the sound of my heartbeat telling me to stay in the Love. I did not learn my own lesson of humility and acceptance while I was arrogantly attempting to teach Martin the same lesson. I let my sense of higher spirituality and knowledge get the better of me and therefore fed my own ego while I was judging him for being weak and so closely connected to his ego instead of to his real etheric self. That ego then quickly turned around and became me, choosing in spite of me with the eye of the mind that only saw a future condemned and refused to see the alternate futures of togetherness anymore. The instant I accepted the loss of that twin future, it disappeared in my mind’s eye and with it therefore Martin disappeared because he was only seeing everything with the mind and not with the Heart. I was seeing with both though so a part of me made it back here to this twin reality.
Rita straightens her shoulders and eyes still downcast says Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Father looks at her gently and says “There is no sin where there is Truth” and Rita smiles back at him as she feels in her essence his heavenly smile.
“You see” I cut in “others before you when they were bearing double messages of different archetypes have lost their way although the most prominent versions of them have found their way back quickly. The most important part is to forgive yourself when you realise that you have wronged yourself and possibly others. You only have to stay in the Love without judging anything or anyone, not even yourself and as Father says, there is no sin where there is Truth. You must have heard of Jesus, he is hardly even believed to have existed today and his bodily existence is confused with the various other archetypes of Love that preceded him and these lost essences even question his existence from the very fact of the synchronicities with those other archetypes”.
Rita nods her head and says I know he existed because the blue messenger who came to me and told me his essence was the archetype of Love and was called Krisna had already told me before that he had come to this world in many forms after his form as Krisna. He told me that Jesus was just the messenger of Love. When I had asked him about compassion he had smiled and told me that the archetype of compassion was not within Jesus although he had it ingrained in him through his twin essence and when I asked him how it was possible that he had a twin essence he merely smiled and said but I too have a twin essence my child. He told me his twin essence was Radha and she held the other archetype which went with love and it was compassion. Immediately before the question materialised in my confused brain – I was only a five year old child then – he informed me that Jesus also had a twin essence and it was Mary Magdalene. I had not heard of her then and confused her with the Mother Mary of the chapel in the Convent I studied at but he told me that it was not her although it was her all the same. When I looked at him confused he merely smiled and told me that one day I would understand how you could be one thing and not it at the same time. He also told me that time and time again love came to the world and had to die until it was the right Time for love to be the only thing that existed. He told me that every Time, Love had to sacrifice itself knowing that it had to continuously evolve until all beings within this world had learned to live in the love and not otherwise. He added that when that Time came, we would all transcend into a different kind of world. I had forgotten that talk and the other talks I had with him as he visited me frequently growing my love of him although I had to hide it from my bodily mother who disapproved this connection. My bodily father though often looked at me knowingly and seemed to understand although I had never really voiced anything out. I still don’t understand though why love had to continue dying and why Jesus of all people who was so pure and so full of Love, bringing so much love and proof of its existence to others also had to die.
“You see”, I interrupt again, “Jesus was not the Source, he was merely a part of it, an archetype of it. A part of Jesus though had grown to increasingly identify itself fully with Source and to reject portions of the teachings on the archetype that he himself had come to teach to the world. When Source realised that this earth-bound essence of Love was being confused with the whole of it and that even despite that and all the miracles of love showered on the people, they would not understand the ultimate message, Source informed Jesus that he too must die because his message of Love was simply not going through and people did not understand it because of the emergence of an alternate self within Jesus himself that he needed to transcend. That alternate self was diluting the message of his own essence and the people he had come to guide to walk in the Love simply did not know what they were doing and would ultimately end up killing the Love archetype in their hearts if it were not allowed to regenerate again in a different form, at a different Time.”
But he was resurrected according to the Christian tradition, Rita cries out adding, and he was not misguided. He was only Love and never had an alternate self. How can you say such a thing? How can such pure love be considered to have been tainted? She adds disbelievingly.
“It is a simple thing really” you step in to say “Jesus was also manifested into this Earthly realm and even though he retained a larger connection to his etheric self and his ultimate archetype, he was also to an extent subject to the meanders of this world of matter and occasionally allowed his bodily self to vibrate unaligned and create an alternate self that was not ego although it was slightly out of the way of his archetype. In order for him to realign and become his archetype of Love again so that his mission would ultimately be accomplished, he had to die in this world and yes he was resurrected in his etheric form but his bodily remains had dissolved instantly as with all the other pure archetypes of Love sent to this worldly realm when they flow back into pure love again. Source had explained to Jesus that he had to go back to it and regenerate before coming back as a pure unadulterated archetype again when the Time was ripe. Basically, Love had to die and be remembered for its qualities and lived through several bodily frames that were fully open to the evolving of the archetype so that it could evolve through them in this world until it was ready to be regenerated again, pure” you say.
Rita shook her head, not convinced. Why would it have to die? It could simply be redirected as an archetype and evolve naturally through other beings ready to realise it. Why did it have to die? she added almost in a whisper as her heart was already telling her the answer.
“You know the answer” Kali said fiercely
“Mother, she is still weak, please let me explain to her in the ways of her world” Kayla interrupted gently.
Kali took a step back, her blazing eyes fierce though compassionate as she studied my crestfallen face. “Never mind” she said in a softer tone. “I am leaving you in charge of her guidance and make sure that I do not have to come here and lap up her bloodied essences back into her again” she added quietly before dissolving in the fog together with Shiva.
“It had to die because the world was not ready for it then because even its archetype had strayed from its mission and become slightly confused with its bodily frame on occasion. Jesus had worked with his twinflame Mary Magdalene but often he would lapse in his essence and let the bodily frame make the choices that only his etheric self should have made clearly.”
We cannot see past the choices we don’t understand, Rita whispered softly. We have all of us forsaken love, we have all of us chosen to live only in the mind and in the matter it produces without looking at what is beyond, the energy, the love that connects us all. As each of us understands this choice, we will then awaken to a world where Love will manifest again fully as an archetype and does not have to die anymore, she adds.
“Yes my darling child” I tell her pleased with her progress as I beam at you through our joined essences. “You have understood your choice and now you can see past it and allow the River of Time to flow both ways again for you. Now all you have to do is see whether you want to maintain that choice or change it in whatever way you wish”
Rita smiles as she opens her eyes and looks at me fully seeing my essence. I have made up my mind she says softly and will put it all across as usual through the creative output you have granted me to express myself.
“Yes my darling child” you tell Rita. “Source decided that the twinflames should be clearly indicated their mission when the connection started fully and understand that the mission is more important than their attachment to each other. This has now become the work of the twinflames” you add. “They must come together first joining in Love and working through the evolution of that Love as well as helping other beings who come to them with their relational problems until everyone, everywhere in this realm has finally understood and accepted the nature of Love. It is only when that happens that you will all reach what some of you have identified as the Golden Age. Unfortunately many misguided beings have interpreted in different ways these teachings and only use the concurrent teachings of Love and the Flow of Time to create alternate realities that suit them on a very material level instead of helping the Love evolve. Even those twinflames who have not been able to connect for whatever reason should still continue to live within their archetype be it Love or any other archetype which actually all go back to the same ultimate reality which is Source. In every choice of connecting though, you need to understand what you have chosen without judging either yourself or the other twinflame, without forcing the connection but without forsaking it either”
Rita smiles at Kalen and marvels how much his projection of him as she sees him now reminds her of Martin and of his essence when it beamed at her through the looking glass opposite her bed. Don’t leave me alone too long though Kayla, she say. I count on your guidance as you sow the clues of synchronicity for my past self so that I may trace myself back here and hopefully with Martin. If he does not come, I hope you will come for me in the future when I am an old and tired woman just as you did for Nina and that you will take me back with you so that I may ease this ache within me. He had promised me that he would not act like Harold did. He seemed so much in love and so truthful when he made those promises to me as we lay in that bed and before that on that couch. I can slowly even remember all those future times when he was here beside me and we were growing old together. I don’t understand his choice though but hope that he will be able to understand it and see through the world of illusion that cloaks his heart and misguides his mind.
“I hope so too my darling” I say softly embracing her as we get ready to leave her again. She stands up to wave goodbye, resolutely in the now of her alternate reality and as we leave we see her through the web of Time which is fading curled up in her bed her nose buried in Harold’s clothes which still bears the smell of Martin’s essence. “I feel sad for her pain whether it is temporary or permanent” I tell you, my essence already wavering at her sadness though it is less acute as she seems to have gained some sort of a new-found confidence in her alternate reality.
“She will be fine” you answer in my essence, drawing me closer as we warp back on the way towards Source.
Meanwhile, Rita wakes up from the dream with the vivid impression of having gone somewhere though she cannot remember exactly where. She remembers the Time spent together with her twinflame, the love, the agony and Pain of separation, the longing. After pacing throughout the room she finally understands now that the Rita of her dreams as she had chosen to call her is actually her. She slowly sits on the couch and begins writing the Fourth chapter of this incredible recount, her hands trembling as she fully realises now that she was not piecing together a novel created from parts of an imaginary dream but she is writing her own story as it unfolds backwards and frontwards through this flowing, coursing, raging, beautiful and yet often agonising River of Time. Her choice is made or rather made again and she feels more than she knows with her mind that Kayla approves of it as does Mother. After all, whatever the outcome, in Love, there is only Love…
Mind and Heart perception
Visit of Shiva to Sati replicated in the visit of Father to one of the manifested archetypes of Mother, his consort