Embracing nothingness
The waves of yesterday time and time again wash over me
Like nothing ever meant anything or was ever meant to be
Time passes like an endless river made of sweet nothingness
My heart and mind flow softly into that empty wilderness
♦
I feel nothing and the nothingness eats my sore sockets bare
I feel nothing and the nothingness is my only fair share
I am nothing and the nothingness fills me up to the brim
I am nothing and nothingness is the only milk I skim
♦
A million times I am forgiven but will I forgive me?
Empty shell I have used carelessly the spoon against me
Striving tirelessly with others to drive the yoke out of me
Of any joyful tomorrows I am now forever free
♦
Take these empty hands and pour into them a life that suits thee
Put a drop on my tongue, a hope, a taste of a remedy
Nothing will ever stir within, nothing will ever reach me
For I live my life in a blur, that is all there has to be
♦
I am lost to the world and the world lies forever lost to me
I am blind to hope and hope, unmoved, unseeing, passes me
Is there nothing beyond my look, no horizons I can see?
And the emptiness beyond and the emptiness within? Me!
Geetha Balvannanathan's Blog - Isis Tratum
Pages from the Diary….
Source: Contributor
It was my 27th birthday. I had long left behind the thrill of cakes and gifts, but still hoped for this day to be special. It started as a normal day, waking up early, getting ready for the day ahead. As always, my grandparents were the first to wish me. The call that followed was from my parents, with Mom’s recollection of the day I was born, the moment they had cherished forever as being parents for the first time. Others who wished me in the next few minutes were my husband and sister.
I dressed up in a new salwar-kameez and reached office. I briskly walked down to my cubicle to open the mails hoping for a birthday wish from friends at work. Instead, the only mail waiting for me was a harsh one from my onsite lead for a small mistake. I was lost under a pile of work. Many of my colleagues mentioned that they liked my new dress, though no one cared to ask about the occasion! In the afternoon, my husband too shouted at me over a petty financial matter.
And that was when I rushed to the toilet and broke down. It was my birthday! Why couldn’t people around me be a little loving towards me on this day? As far as I could recollect, my birthday was always celebrated in a special way. Mom always made goodies and I invited my friends over. But today was different. Even my best friends seemed to have forgotten the day.
The rest of the day crawled by. I completed all my work at office and went home as usual. After my husband and eight-month-old son went to bed, I stood alone at the balcony. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was far from being happy on this birthday. I kept thinking that this was my worst birthday ever. And then something strange, rather miraculous happened.
In mid-summer, without a trace of cloud an hour ago, it started raining. I had always loved rains. It always made me blessed and joyous. At that specific moment it really felt like a blessing directly from heavens. As I savoured the smell of wet earth and the sound of tinkling raindrops, I realised something. A birthday is not really celebrated so that people around could make one happy. Rather, one should celebrate this day for him/herself.
This is the day I got this beautiful life. And I am grateful to God for that. So, why wait for anyone to wish me on a birthday? I made it a point to be happy on my birthday, no matter if anyone wished me or not, for myself and my creators.
I wiped my tears and lay down with a light heart.
***
LikeLiked by 1 person